Help Stop Wildlife Suicide

After a few weeks of driving on the roads of Michigan, I have noticed an unusually high amount of road kill. It’s not like Rexburg where cats make up 95 percent of all dead animals on the road. No, in Michigan I have seen possums, raccoons, deer, and even turtles. I wondered what could be an explanation to the excessive amount of road kill.

I finally figured it out tonight. The animals are suicidal because of the stupid people that live here.

My in-laws, Brandt, and I got to see Night at the Museum: Battle of the Smithsonian premiere. This was my first premiere, which made me feel pretty cool, and it was free. It was a wonderful family flick, and I would definitely see again at a dollar theater if Michigan had one.

However, the theater was packed, and we were fortunate enough to sit on the front row. The reason is because everyone who saw the movie got in for free—the exact same deal we got. A careful reader would have noticed on the admission ticket that it’s a first-come-first-serve basis, and the movie theater isn’t responsible for overbooking. Prior entering the theater, an usher asked us to wait outside to see if there were any available seats. A large family was behind us, and they sounded disgusted at the possibility of inadequate seating. The woman, who wore clothes that would be small on my 90-pound sister said, “Ugh, then what’s the point of sending these?” as she held up the exact same lime green tickets we had.

But even that isn’t the cause for wild life committing suicide, illiteracy, although ridiculous is inevitable fact of life for some. Once we were seated, the family came looking around for seats. The same woman went to sit down, but apparently the seat was saved. I kid you not, the woman yelled at the top of her lungs, “Ma’am, she’s saving seats!” Do note she was yelling at the usher outside the theater. I was amazed how this woman, even though she came to the theater 15 minutes before a big summer movie, thought she was entitled to have all of her six children and husband figure all sit together. My eyes are rolling just thinking about the situation.

So that was my exciting night. I’m glad I solved the mystery of animals committing suicide on the road.